Vicious thoughts.

Vicious thoughts eating my will to think and feel okay with myself. I'm never satisfied with what I can do and what I'm able to provide to the people around me. Successful and genuinely happy people give me the drive to improve on myself yet demoralised me at the same time. I'm scared I'm incompetent to give you the best because that is what you truly deserve.

I always promised that I'll do something great but always failing to do so. I have great admiration for my girlfriend's intellect. She's the smartest person I ever know in my life and she always delivers in her work(probably she will disagree on this) . I'm very proud that her work was in prestige's website.

And where do I stand now? Seeing my girl finally get to do what she's capable of and what am I doing now? Wasting my time in camp, going through irrelevant shit that will probably never  be apply in my life and waiting for date that the army will let me go of this forced conscription that supposed to make the country safer and ready if a war ever to happen.

Im done with seeing myself as the lower than shit person and maybe one day I will bloom and aspire into someone I always wanted to be rather than someone that I am now. I hope these demons in my head stop haunting me with scenarios that I feared the most.

Until next time.

Afraid

I have not been feeling so good about myself lately. I don't know why but I've been feeling so afraid, afraid of losing you. My brain has been fucking my mind with scenarios that I know isn't likely to happen. Never have I valued my self-worth this much. Nani, you're the best thing that is happening right now in my life, it kills me if I ever lose you. I hate myself for not talking more. I don't know why but I feel like I can't seem to talk on whatsapp alot. It's like a barrier that is preventing me to communicate with you. If communication is key in a relationship, I probably gonna have alot of problems in that area. I hope the way I talk in real life is good enough. I hope I don't bore you with my one liner messages. I need to change, I need to talk more.

You.

I love everything about you.
Every moment I spend with you is never enough. Your scent is darn addictive that I wouldn't mind waking up next to you if we ever get married. If I could ever show the definition of being lucky,  I will not hesitate and say being with you is next best thing to being alive. You made me so alive and I'm thankful for you for killing the negative side of me. I only have eyes for you, but I'm blind, the only colour I know is you. I will continue to work hard in life, because sayang, you're my motivation to be optimistic to seize any opportunity I have in front of me. I love you, NUR SYAHZANANI BINTI BAHARUM
With love,
Fadz

Nani-chan

An open letter to you
Her hair is red, like the colour of passion that I have for her
Everything about her aura feels so right and I am eternally grateful to God that I met someone like her
Something about this girl that made me want to be the man that she needs.
She's clearly a keeper as you could tell by the way she loves you and I've never been this happy in my whole life.
The feelings I have is like a poor man that won the lottery ticket, and this time, I hit a huge jackpot.
It is amazing how love can make you feel whole again no matter how damaged you are.
True love heals everything.
I love you, my other half, in fact you're my better half.
P.s I will always be there when you need me

When the Water Breaks Pt. 1 - Liquid Tension Experiment [ Live in LA 2008 ]

Don't Read This!

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Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

For holidays, the only thing i did was gaming. I need to get a life! twice a week go lan for 2 hours. I really need go out with friends do something fun instead i staying at home playing my Xbox 360. I completed one game which was assasin's creed 2 within 5 days.The ending was so unpredictable. From 15th century story became a little bit sci fi at the end of the story. I felt that i wasted my time figuring out what was happening in the 15th century in Italy.All the conflicts. The game is completed and no idea what game to play next.Decide for me what game should i play.Dragonage or GTAIV lost and the damned.So this is fadzuli signing out! Cheerio!